Thursday, March 8, 2007

To break the proverbial ice....

And so, this quest begins. I'm wicked late to this game, which wouldn't surprise anyone who knows me, as I am capable of bringing the concept of time to it's knees. I have toyed around with the idea of keeping some sort of a written journal since I was about ten, and am going to give this another shot. I was a little prejudiced against the whole "compy" concept thing for a long time but as I am a convenience whore, this appeals to me more and more. So, I guess we shall see.
The following is going to make me sound, ummmm, slightly cynical {in the same way George Bush sounds slightly in need of a helmet and a drool guard} but in truth, the concept of love is not sullied for me. I'm at the point in my life where I believe that love exists but it's a far cry from the roses-and-candy-hearts-i-love-you-no-i-love-you-more kind of shit that naively was once my mantra.

From: N.
To: A. & W. & G & L.
Subject: From the WTF files

"Wishing you ever-lasting love and all the magic it brings"

a co-worker wrote this in a card to another co-worker who's getting married.

From: W
To: N. & A. & G. & L
Subject: From the WTF files


From: N.
To: W & A & G. & L.

....i know. i'm feeling fairly queasy myself..

To: N. & W. & G. & L.

That's like an "I just vomited a little in my mouth at your over-indulgent Hallmark-happy delusional verbal nonsense" kind of a moment, no? Magic? Not quite the word I would have used.
How about: I wish you patience and tolerance and all the ulcers that marriage will bring.
Or this gem: I wish you deafness and all the peace that it will bring.
Or even: I wish you sarcasm and the ability to wield a knife, and all the pleasure that might bring.
I am such a shining example of positivity today. Am almost glowing with the spirit of unity. *ahem*
Andrea xoxox

From: N.
To: A.

I like your best-wishes sentiments better - truer to life than little miss fairy-dust over there...

From: A.
To: N.

I'm just hoping it was written by a single person or a newlywed, otherwise that shit isn't fairy dust... it's crack.

From: N.
To: A.

possibly a crack snorting single person or newlywed...

From: A
To: N

It's not only's probable.
It is truly a disgrace that we pump unsuspecting wedding happy people up with crack induced advice like this.
How about something helpful like:
You may still love them, but liking them? It comes and goes.
You will sit across the breakfast table from them and wonder: is it possible to gauge their eyes out with a mini-wheat?
And forget about running to them, arms out-stretched in a field of sunflowers to the tune of some cheesy 80's love ballad. After attempting to move furniture in a shared space, it's more like running, screaming, through a parking lot filled with broken glass to the tune of Marilyn Manson.
I certainly would have found that helpful at 18. Magic, my ass.

Me, jaded? Never.....

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