Friday, March 9, 2007

Missing: one internal compass......

Oh and btw, if you should find it, please pick it up and put it in your pocket and hand it to me directly, because God only knows that I will not be able to understand your directions. Now, I firmly believe that we all have talents, some more than others {and to be generous, I count simply breathing some days}, but understanding the whole "Directionality" concept is not one of mine. And although I am fond of the giggle, love me my funny, I am so not joking here. Note the distinct lack of jest in my tone. When I say that I am geographically challenged, people, I really mean that I should be confined to the short bus. With a harness.
Last night, I was attempting to give Boy directions to D.'s house so that we can go to London from there. And because she has known me for longer that the requisite minute, she knew that this was a challenge that I was incapable of rising to. As I was perusing the e-mail that she forwarded on, I was struck by just how ignorant I actually am when it comes to having a clue where things are. Now, I lived in KW for years {years, people...}, & except for that unfortunate hermit-esque phase, I went out. Did things. In places, even. And yet, I have NO idea where anything is.
These are actual conversations that I have had in the past week or so. Behold, it is I, Dumbass...

Boy: What road are we on?
Me: Ummm {gives him a condescending look}, this one. *sighs*

Boy: Where is the sushi place that you wanted to go to?
Me: It's on, well, near the road that goes to Square One {bonus points for location}, in a strip mall {high five me!}, near a grocery store with green in the sign {this is going downhill...}
Boy: Green, you say? Any idea what the restaurant is called?
Me: Something Japanese-y?
Boy: *beats head off dashboard in abject horror*

Me: Are you coming down to B-dot?
Boy: You mean up, asshat. {he may or may not have actually used that "term of endearment" but we all know that's what he was thinking}
Me: {all confused and doe-eyed} No, down.
Boy: *sighs* Oh, Andrea. B-dot is up from London. Actually, it is North and slightly ...{I begin to hear show-tunes in my head as a defence mechanism to protect my brain from the impending hemorrhage}
Me: So you are up-down from me?
Boy: {looks around for the shot-gun to put "me" out of his misery}. Oh Andrea

Oh, Andrea, indeed....

1 comment:

CĂ©leste said...

oh Andrea, you are not alone in this, I think Andrew will lose it if I give him one more colour or shape based landmark as directions ("you have to pass the two buildings that look like they are staring at each other angrily")...