What I have learned so far this week...

1. I am a cynic, and thus my expectations of people were pretty low to begin with. How wrong I have been. They should have been much, much lower.

2. I can make the word "sir" sound like "motherfuckingcocksucker" with very little effort.

3. I have done this extensively in the last few days.

4. MacGyver, I am not. Because, he? Would have been able to escape unscathed from the bathroom stall that imprisoned me at 1 am at work {!!!!} by simply reaching in his purse {he is much more feminine in my world} to fashion a piece of gum and a bottle of lotion into a bomb that simultaneously would break the door down and moisturize the ashy. Me? I kicked at the door 3 times in frustration in The Shoes That Were Meant For Sitting Only and proceeded to sanitarily place toilet paper on the ground as though I were creating a garden path and then crawl on said paper, valiantly trying to levitate. I was unsuccessful, and am currently shooting up antibacterial hand-wash as though it were heroin and I, Kate Moss' boy toy.

5. Wardrobe malfunctions are not just for celebs. Case in point? Monday, when the Boy stopped by my house to surprise me with a hug. Awww, huh? Except. *ahem* I was working later that day. And so? Was still in pj's. Cute, cute pj's. All matchy and shit. Except? The top I chose to wear with the snazzy blue and green pin stripped pants with the darling green ribbon? Was lace. And, also? My nipples showed right through it. Which? I did not notice before. And also? Only noticed after HIS STUDENT {who came in to say "Hey! Nice to meet you Crazy Lady!"} walked back outside to the car and I was all like "He's really sweet and hey it's kind of cold in here...OH MY JESUS, why didn't you tell me you could see MY BOOBS???". Or something.

6. Boys can be really snitty when you accidentally KA-THUNK! them in the testicles. With your purse. Your twenty tonne purse that contains enough supplies to see the world through to the next millennium. Really snitty. Go figure.

7. I can find small joys in mundane places. Names of people that I have actually talked to this week: Bawlhair {and his wife, HarryBushe...k, I made that part up}, Ning Dong {say that fast in your head} & Shaidi Moreles {cross my heart & hope to laugh}.

And it's only Wednesday....