Friday, June 1, 2007

Talk about red cheeks.....

A dialogue with my mom. If you can consider it a dialogue when one party begins in a coma, & the other ends up there.

Me: {sleepily} Mmmmmelllo?

Mom: Andrea? You will never guess what I saw on the way home tonight!

Me: {going towards the light} Hmmmmm? {fading. fading}

Mom: We have to pass this, well, you know, a, well, a place that, ummm, you know....

Me: {crankily} Mom, what? What did you pass? I'm almost unconsious here.

Mom: Well, T. & I have to pass this, well, an establishment for {she starts to whisper} working girls.

Me: Pardon?

Mom: A cat house.

Me: You passed a strip joint, Mom?

Mom: {all innocent and giggly}. Yes! And you'll never guess what one lady was wearing?!

Me: Ummm, first off, is "lady" really the politically correct term, Mommy? And, let me guess, she was wearing.....ummm, nothing?

Mom: Andrea!

Me: What? You asked!

Mom: Guess again! You'll never guess!

Me: Ok, don't believe in my potential. Tell me then.

Mom: She was wearing {long pause as she musters up the courage to say it aloud}..... pants.....with no BUM!!!!!!

Me: {seeing her blush through the phone} You mean ass-less chaps, Mom?

Mom: Andrea Louise Monica Brennan! You know what those are? You know what they're called?!

Me: {sensing an opportunity too good to pass up} Yup. Got me a pair for those weekends with the Boy in London.

Mom: {hits the floor with a thud as her last fleeting thought is where did I go wrong?}

Wait til I tell her about the nipple tassels I picked up especially for Church...